just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
time to smoke my breakfast
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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