Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
