I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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