she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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