sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
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