You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
