Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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