there's paper in my vomit.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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