on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
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It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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