Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Randomize
