Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
