The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Found the puke drawer
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
