Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
