I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
