wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
