road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
