And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
