I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Four minutes until I can fart!
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
