Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
