afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
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