spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
