The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
