Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
