you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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