this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
