She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
