Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
