Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
