Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
