omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
