We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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