What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
