I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
