Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
So much Jack, so little girl.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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