from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize