Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
