Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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