She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
i think my cat just said my name.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
