after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
