Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Randomize
