My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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