I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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