when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
