I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
