I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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