no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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