Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Randomize
