my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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