The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
