haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
