found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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