I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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