If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
