I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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