I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
