ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
