i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
