this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
