I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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