She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
These tits shall not be calmed
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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