BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
