she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
how drunk are you?
Several
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
