Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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