thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
