did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
