this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
