is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
