so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I think my moral compass just broke
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