I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
