Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I could make wine with my vomit
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
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