I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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