so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
a search helicopter?!
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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